From One Mom To Another

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

A man’s work is from sun to sun, but a mother’s work is never done. ~Author Unknown

The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men - from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Today more than 40% of moms are raising children on their own. While I could talk about the hard things that single mom’s go through ( from a LITTLE bit of personal experience) This is not a post about the hardships of single parent-hood. This is to encourage any single moms out there who worry about their children. This is an excerpt from a letter my friend sent to her friends recently, me included obviously.

I have known this friend since I was six years old. She lived with my family for awhile, and some where a long the line my entire family “adopted” her as their own. But it seems mine was the first of several who “adopt” this beautiful girl.

God knows what he is doing. He will bring father’s, siblings, and even grandparents to your child. And when there is no one person to fill that role, God can and will fill that for them. He knows the plans he has for your child. Plans to prosper them and not to harm them, plans to give them hope and a future. Before they were formd in your womb, He knew them. And He knows better than you do what they need. (Jeremiah 29:11; Jeremiah 1:5)

“Friends love through all kinds of weather and families stick together in all kinds of trouble” (Proverbs 17:17). “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family” (Proverbs 18:24)

Last night, I talked with my sister on the phone. Together we reflected the sadness in our life stemming from the absence of our father. Through the years it has been a heartbreaking struggle to overcome the idea that the one who helped create us, never cared to love us. As we talked, we resurrected feelings of rejection not only from out dad but also his side of our family. Never fully accepted and always treated as outcasts, our hearts ached at the realization that we did not belong. As we continued to chat, God began to speak to me. In the midst of complaining, I was reminded of my life as it is now…amazing! There have been times in my life when I believed I lacked much. What I have come to realize is that I have all that I need…great friends, eternal family and never ending love and encouragement. All lacked, God has given me in abundance.

I opened this with two scriptures regarding friendship. Were you wondering how I might transition from the above story to friendship? Here’s how: “a true friend sticks by you like family”.

Growing up and into my mid 20’s, I thought I could never really be happy. Feeling the rejection from both my mother and father, I wondered how I could ever overcome such loss. As I have grown and matured, not only as an adult but also in God, I see that overcoming the adversity has been much easier than I could have expected…and I didn’t have to do much. God, being the great Father He is, did it for me! He has provided friends who have become my family. In the loss I have felt, God has restored my ideals of family…how they act, how they live, how they encourage and how they love.

As she and I talked I began to see that I did not need to dredge up the past. Why open wounds that have begun to scab over and heal? Carefully, I placed my Neosporin and Band-Aid over my scratch and let the healing process continue…minimal to no scarring to be shown when the process is completed. I smiled-and cried-as God reminded me that He created me…not my natural father. His love and acceptance have always been there. As His truth stared me in the face, and He patiently waited for me to grasp hold of this concept. Today I recognize that along my journey God has placed in my life people who helped bring me to where I am. Those people are you! You have seen me through many moments…happiness, success, sadness and failure. You’ve kicked my butt and comforted me. You’ve wiped my tears and encouraged me to move on. You are my earthly rocks…the truest of the true.

“Every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon, that have I given unto you.” Joshua 1:3

You’ll notice a common thread throughout the Bible. When we really need Him, God shows up and does for us what we can’t do. The rest of the time, which is most of the time, He strengthens us and says “keep treading and trusting.” There’s no magic carpet. To achieve anything worthwhile you have to walk it out in faith, step by challenging step.

The Book of Job has 42 chapters. In the first 41, Job lived through the loss of his health, his wealth and his family. With friends like Job had, he didn’t need any enemies. His doubts were relentless. Over and over he questioned God but got only silence for an answer. He persevered through tough days and sleepless nights believing, “When I’m tried, I shall come forth as gold” (See Job 23:10). Notice: (1) It takes fire to produce gold. (2) Only the refiner knows the degree of heat and amount of time required. (3) To rush the process is to produce something of lesser value.

God told that every place the soles of their feet trod, He would give to them. C.V. White says, “The man who succeeds never waits for the crowd. He strikes out for himself. It takes nerve, it takes a lot of grit, but the man who succeeds has both. Nothing important was ever done but the greater number consulted previously doubted the possibility. Success is the accomplishment of that which people think can’t be done. “Complacency, fatigue, criticism and discouragement are hurdles you must constantly overcome. So, keep treading and trusting!”

BobGass Ministries

So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children? My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline,but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines;
the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. (Hebrews 12:4) TM

As those of you know who read this blog, The last 2 years my struggle has been finances as my husband started his own business. In every struggle you think “if I can just get through this, if God could just bring me victory in this area I will be happy”… Then you get the victory, and for about a day you feel like a spiritual giant. Yep! You passed the test. You believed and trusted and because you did it right you have passed and God has blessed you for it. (yes you have forgotten about all the mornings in the shower crying for God to do something, anything, and all the doubtful moments you had every day!)

God allowed me to feel good on my spiritual high, caught a breather and then He decided to remove another layer of the onion. Just when I think I am a sweet smelling Fragrance God I am reminded how much I still stink, I am still an onion. )

There are hard times in our lives that the enemy is attacking, and then there are times we go through that is simply because of our own sin nature.There is no way around it, an onion is an onion. But God in His mercy is peeling the onion layer by layer to get to the part that is usable. He is training me, and teaching me, showing me yet another layer that I can deal with that will ultimately pay off with a disciplined life.

But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. (Hebrews 12:11)

There are days when I feel like I stink so bad that I do not even want to be around my own self. I need some type of fragrance to help get the stink that dial won’t wash away. And then God lovingly reminds me that it is not up to me to deal with the stench, I simply have to let him wash over me. As I lovingly bathe my children who can not do it for themselves, so He does with his children….

In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade. Through us, he brings knowledge of Christ. Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation—an aroma redolent with life. 2 Cor. 2:13

If you feel like you stink today, here is my advice… Go take a bubble bath! Soak in it, and let whatever it is you feel makes you stink
wash away down the drain.

WHERE WOULD YOU BE:

IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?

IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?

IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU

IF - YOUR BATH WATER HAD BEEN RUN?

IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS?

IF - YOUR HUSBAND WAS AWAITING YOU, WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?

SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE? Well…… HELLOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

YOU’D BE IN THE WRONG HOUSE!!

From HeartandSoulConnection.com

It is quickly coming to that time of year; Summer vacation. It is amazing how by the end of the school year (we are 4 weeks away) I am looking forward to not having to wake my children up every morning, and by the beginning of the school year I am so ready to get back to the routine I am starting two weeks before school starts.

While summer is about a break from the routine, remember that routine is simply about looking ahead at the day and preparing yourself and your kids in order to avoid as many complications as possible. (Ex. I know my children will be up late because we are going out, so they need to take a nap around 1pm, be up around 4, ready to go by 5.) So with that in mind, let’s look at our summer vacation planning. With kids there will always be the unexpected, but with a little planning you can make it a much smoother and enjoyable trip. Here are a few tips I have found make my trip easier:

1) Plan your trip to be kid friendly:

Be sure to pick a place that will have kid activities; a swimming pool is a must. When you call the hotel, be sure to ask for a room close to the pool. While you may not always get it, you might and it will make life much easier. (Unless of course you make the mistake my sister and I did at Spring break. We were right at the pool, and though it was not warm enough to swim yet our kids nagged us the entire weekend to go swimming. So in the summer a room by the pool is great, otherwise request to be out of sight of the thing. )

2) Don’t try to plan a lot of activities:

Kids just want to be by the pool. I know they have one at home, but they do not care. Keep in mind that the idea of the trip is to relax. Plan to have one activity (or two small ones) a day, and then plan to relax whether it be by the pool or the beach, just chill. Too much activity will wear them out, and stress you out.

3) When planning your travel time pad it by at least an hour!

If you have a 6 hour drive with no stops you need to plan time for a meal or two, and then add an extra hour. This helps allow you to not be stressing out over the extra stops, and you would actually be a very smart mom to just plan to stop at a rest stop periodically, drain them, and then run them for awhile. Maybe keep a soccer ball handy and go wear them out for about 20 minutes.

4) Plan travel time around their sleep time:

One trip we went on with another couple, we left about 10pm, and made our 6 hour trip in about 5 hours. Why? 1- no traffic whatsoever and 2- the kids slept the whole way. We got their about 3 am slept until about 7 and then had the entire day with a stress free drive. The adults actually got some conversation in! Nap times are also a great thing to plan around. If nap time is around 1pm. You pack up with them fed and leave around 1pm. Chances are they are going to dose off for a couple of hours out of the trip.

5) Plan your trip to come back one day earlier than when everyone else expects you.

If you have a nice relaxing trip only to have to rush back,and jump into the daily grind the next day, not able to catch up laundry or unpack bags, you are simply wiping away all of your rest in the week of your return. So if you have to return to work on Monday come home on Saturday afternoon. I know you feel like you should have one more day, but trust me. If you get home Saturday afternoon or evening, sleep in on Sunday and unpack, catch up the laundry, etc. You will be ready for Monday and not flying into the next week unprepared. You will be so thankful to me if you only take this one tip. Even if you are a stay at home mom, having the hubby there while you are trying to do all the catching up, and having him there to help with the kids, etc. will still make a huge difference on you and him. (Him having a day before he goes back to work to not have to drive, or fly, will help him be more prepared for Monday as well.)

Hope these tips help you to enjoy your summer vacation. Let some of the routine go and enjoy the break, but don’t throw the baby out with the beach water!

Ingredients:

Plain or chocolate Graham Crackers
Cool Whip

Directions:
Break Crackers in half put Cool Whip on the cracker and make a sandwich.
Put in freezer until Cool whip is frozen.

Note: Especially the Chocolate crackers make them taste like ice cream sandwiches. Get the light cool whip and they are about 50 calories, and a great low sugar treat. My girls love them!

…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Hebrews 12:1

What I’m saying is, If you walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your face. But if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.”
Luke 14:11-14TM

Do you fear being yourself? To be content with your gifts, talents, personality, financial status? Do you find yourself doing nothing because of fear of being rejected, or not getting what you want? Do you live with a feeling of “If I don’t get mine, no one will get it for me”? Do you look at others success, faith stories, and feel as though you have been given the short end of the stick? Do you fear failure, whether it be in relationships, business, or personal goals you have, more than you desire success?

A recent post I read labeled this fear, and pointed out the extreme hindrance it can have on our lives…

“Kiasu” is a mentality that has a literary meaning “the fear of losing”. “Kiasu-ism” has made lots of people focus on the fear of  losing, rather than the passion to succeed. Its an insistence on being competitive rather than making it without pulling others down. Its obvious that this is the reason why lots of people commit suicide even when they havent failed and they are only seeing signs of failing… Wikipedia has this to say “Examples of kiasu behaviour includes accumulating too much food on one’s plate during a buffet lunch in case there is no more later…

Imagine a church where you have bunch of kiasu people, unity there, will never have its course because there will be no brotherly love amongst its brethren; think of a family/home filled with kiasu-ism, independence will reign in place of family bond because competition will persist; If it then exist too much in a man’s life, his weaknesses will kill him before he discovers his strengths - perhaps thats why there are too many treasures unexploited before they were buried in graves.

How then can we deal with this mentality, take out competition from your dictionary and focus on your own race. How can you make it without pulling others down. Stop thinking about the consequences of failing before embarking on anything you want to do. Think positively; focus on your strengths and let you weaknesses die of negligence (hunger of the fact that you dont care about it). “Dont let the fear of losing kill your passion for winning” - Le dynamique professeur. Remember; Its your strengths that matters and not your weaknesses.

While men are competitive at Business, and golf scores, women have an entirely different motivational “Kiasu”. We fear our relationships, whether it be not having any or someone “better” taking them from us. We fear only being seen for what we do around the house, so we struggle to fit into molds we do not fit into. We fear our children not being as successful or not having as much as the other kid, so we dig into debt for that trip to Disney.

We fear rejection so instead of putting ourselves out there we judge, and condemn those who do. Instead of being ourselves, we attempt to be the person we think others want us to be and ultimately not finding fulfillment in ourselves, and not filling our God- given purpose to this world and the body of Christ. (Imagine, if Joyce Meyers had not been willing to be herself, but fit into the mold that others told her to fit into, “women aren’t allowed to minister” they told her. Imagine if Joseph had not been willing to be himself, he would have saved some rejection, but he and his family may have starved to death.) The challenge is to run your own race, and not look at the race others have been called to run. You know, you may very well be trying to run the race your neighbor is running, only to find out that they were running the wrong race too.

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. Phillipians 4:6-8, 13-14 TM

“For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;” 1Corinthians 1:26-27

You know how they say once you hit bottom there is only one way to go…
while we did not hit all the way to the bottom, it was only because many miracles kept us from being there.

I would say the biggest miracle was when we nearly lost our home. Ben says we have been in a financial crisis for the last two years. I suppose that is true. Building your own business definitely has its downs before its ups. But when our money was non-existent it left us with only one place to turn. A friend of mine said once “you will not need to depend on God until you have no security in the bank account”. Our Bishop said “everyone wants a miracle in their lives, but they don’t realize that means you have to be in an impossible situation and need a miracle to receive one.” And boy did we ever stand there.

We lived the last two years completely in faith. Not knowing from one month to the next if we were going to pay our bills, lose our home, or even whether we would have groceries or not. I remember at Thanksgiving watching on the news how The food pantries were low, economic crisis being what they were people were donating less, and more than ever were in need. I saw the lines of people standing outside the shelters and food pantries hoping there would be enough to feed them and their families and crying my eyes out. Some of them looked as middle class as me, and I was truly thankful just that I was not down there in line with them. (Mostly because I knew how close I was to being there.)
But God….

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Last Spring (March ‘07) we heard a message encouraging us to create a “dream board” Like writing the vision out and making it plain what we were believing God for. When we would look at it we would be reminded of what God was going to do for us. This is a picture of it. (It is blurred because it is like reading someone’s diary.) We even wrote out a tithe check to our church for the amount we wanted to make a month. At the time this was an impossible number to believe we would ever be able to make. But with God All Things Are Possible!

Then Last summer was a real breaking point for us. We had been behind on our house payments but not quite as close to foreclosure as we were this time. It seems just as you find the strength to believe him to a certain point, he stretches you even further. We were down, three months behind on our house payments, and NO CLUE where it was going to come from. Every deal we thought was going to save us fell through one way or the other. (That is another thing we learned, He usually will not do it through the avenue you expect because he intends for you to know HE did it.) Though some offered to loan us money we knew if God was God and He really told us to walk this way He would provide, like a Ram in the bush. Finally the DAY before Foreclosure procedures were to start, and we were still praying and believing for God to come through for us, then someone came to our door. A client of Ben’s. They told us that God had put it on their heart to give us a financial gift, $3000 . The exact amount to save our home!

I want you to know we never stopped tithing or giving to God in spite of our circumstances, and the little bit that we were giving at that time would not have saved us anyway. So we gave, and He gave back to us more than we had at that time. That may not seem like a significant amount to some, but it was our HOME! He continued to stretch us, and I can not say that we have not had financial struggles since then. (I just told you about Thanksgiving, and you can imagine Christmas was a fun faith walk.) But we have had what we NEEDED every time. The children of Israel received Manna from heaven every morning, but only as much as they needed.

But it does not stop there!….

For the remainder of the year it was still believing God every month for a miracle.

Then this January Our Bishop challenged us to give more. Stretching everyone to grow. “If you have never tithed just give $20, start there and as God blesses you, increase it until you reach the Full tithe. If you are already tithing give $20 as seed.” (He calls it The 20/20 vision.) Well we have done that since The last week in January. Every month since then we have seen our income increase more and more every month. Last month (March) we made double and triple what we have made in any month in 2007. We reached the number we had written on that Dream Board a year before without even breaking a sweat. God has been faithful to bless us, give us creative ideas to bring in the passive income, and we know He is blessing us that we might be a blessing to others. God is good, and God is real! There is a God, and I am not Him.

In the midst of everything God began to shape my purpose, and show me what I am called to do. This website was a part of that, and the first step I took. I now have a job as a Writer and Producer’s Assistant on an Online Talk Show which I love !!! (It is soon to launch, but you can preview it a TheDrBethShow.com ) and I am working with the same Production Company as the Producer’s Assistant for a movie! I am able to work part time from home, be in the studio for recordings once a week. I am meeting new people from all over the place all the time, and hearing their stories of faith. I could not have asked for a more suited job for me. I am able to write, talk, and build relationships, and I am able to be a full time mom, have my website and other mom ministries, and be the wife I want to be. Ben is prospering in his online business and meeting and talking with others he never thought possible. Literally ministering to men everyday through his work.

It has not always been easy, I have cried on the shoulder of several friends questioning them and God whether I was being Faithful or Foolish. (I mean when you are taking your trash in the trunk of your car to dump it because you couldn’t afford to pay the trash man this month, you have to just go God, what’s up?) But God uses the foolish things to confound the wise. While I may not be King Solomon I can tell you I am still dumbfounded by where he is placing me. ( I have no more than a High School Education, while as a teenager I saw myself possibly in front of the screen I never imagined doing what I am doing now. The opportunities He is bringing me, and the people He is connecting me to astounds me just to think about it.)

Financial prosperity was not HIS goal. The things He has burned out of me, taught me, and strengthened me in is unbelievable. The financial blessing is a tool, simply a testament to others of God’s faithfulness. The phrase you can not have a testimony without the test, a message without a mess, is no longer a cliche’ to me. He has brought me through many things, and I know this is not the last of the tests and messes I will walk through in my life, but I also know this is just the beginning of our breakthrough. God is good all the time, even when you are trying to beat the cut off day for your electricity. All the TIME! Even when you face your ruined credit, or your failed marriage, or your sickness and disease. Whatever it is, He said….

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life”And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you… But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34